I’m determined to begin a journal, and actually keep up with it. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my days of blissfully searching for the perfect pen, paper, and window of time to record my thoughts just doesn’t exist anymore. These days its more about keeping this netbook charged so that when I have a free moment I can type my thoughts. Although, I am opting to use fun colors and fonts just to keep it interesting…I might as well.
Clay just woke up from his morning nap. We had a playdate this morning with Levi. We played in the infant pool and that sufficiently tuckered him out for a nice long nap. Now he’s sitting here next to me grinning (with his toothy little mouth) and playing with his favorite toy. This week it’s a little drum that play songs. Songs that now play in my head at all hours. But it makes him smile…I love his smile….I love him….it works.
Everyone keeps asking if I’m “still happy being at home with the baby”. Of course I am. I love it. However, this job is so much busier than I thought it would be. I mean, I knew I would be really busy….but I envisioned at least the option of a cat nap here and there….or other activities of leisure. Nope…my days at home are wall to wall busy. And I’m still not getting anything done….or so it feels.
I really want to be a touch of old school June Cleaver, a touch of tech savvy modern chic, a splash of hipster, and a healthy dose of “me” in this new job. But it is truly hard to balance all of this. Yes ..I’m pressing all of my husband’s clothes. Yes…I’m making all of my own baby food. Yes…I’m clipping coupons while also scoring money saving deals online. BUT on any given day Keith’s asking if he has any clean socks, I’m looking for baby food in the freezer that will create a “balanced” meal, and we’re always out of something. The house is also nowhere near as clean as I had envisioned keeping it. I typically have at least one room looking nice. But the cleaning of this room is at the expense of all other rooms…and they remain completely disheveled.
Before leaving my job I made a “master task list” of things that I wanted to do once I was at home. I have completed precisely 2 of them thus far. My biggest challenge of late is to be OK with that. In my mind I know what I want my house, my family, my life to look like…..but its going to take time. I now realize how many things in our left went undone for so long. We spent all time, money, and energy just trying to keep it all together. And we really weren’t doing a super great job at that. I now realize that mini van driving, track suit wearing, coffee drinking, stay at home mom’s (or dads :) ) have it figured out. You have to take care of your family….otherwise, who will?
So I submit…I’m now “one of them”. I’m going to do it in my own way, and in my own time…but I’m going to do it. I’m going to take care of the boys, the dogs, the house, the yard (well, maybe), and when there’s time..me. I surrender….here…now…from my microsuede scotch guarded couch, in my living room. And yes, they’re both beige.
